Dating with Endometriosis: What I Told My Partner from the Start

Dating with endometriosis is a layered experience. It’s not just the nerves or the usual butterflies- it’s also the quiet calculations going on in the background. Will I be okay going out tonight? Should I mention the pain? What if I need to cancel at the last minute?

Over the years, I’ve learnt that one of the most empowering things I can do- for myself and for the person I’m dating — is to be upfront about endo. Not in a heavy, dramatic way, but in an honest, matter-of-fact way that sets the tone for compassion, understanding, and hopefully, a real connection.

When I first started dating my partner, I was having severe endo symptoms daily. The pain was constant, and I was in the thick of trying to manage it. I was nervous- not just because of the usual first date butterflies, but because I knew my body wasn’t in a good place, and I had no idea how the night would unfold. But I also knew that if this was going to be someone real, someone worth my time and energy, I needed to be open from the beginning.

So, before the first date, I had an honest chat. I explained that I have endometriosis- a chronic condition that causes pain, fatigue, bloating, and a whole lot more. I told him that I needed to stay close to home that night in case things got bad. I also let him know that certain foods and drinks could trigger or worsen my symptoms, and suggested better alternatives we could enjoy instead.

A little while into the date, I started to notice the familiar signs: pain, discomfort, swelling. I felt that sinking panic- because I really liked this guy, and now I felt embarrassed and frustrated that my body wasn’t playing along. I ducked into the bathroom, took a moment, and then came back out and did something that felt both awkward and brave.

I told him the truth. I said I needed to go home and change into something more comfortable, and maybe we could continue the date there- with a heat pack tagging along. Not exactly the classic rom-com moment, but it was honest, and I hoped it would be okay.

It was more than okay.

He didn’t hesitate. He took me home, helped me heat up my heat pack, and then- completely unprompted, when I said I was feeling better- packed the car with outdoor cushions and took me down to the beach. He set up a makeshift picnic, the two of us curled up by the ocean, and just like that, what could have been an end turned into the most tender beginning. A date that did fall apart in my eyes actually turned out to be more perfect than I could have imagined- a start built on compassion, understanding, and mutual respect.

During that first date, I also said something important. I asked him not to Google endo straight away. Not because I didn’t want him to understand it- but because I wanted him to understand my experience with it. Endo affects everyone so differently, and there are a lot of myths out there that can quickly lead to confusion or fear. When I was first diagnosed, I found it all overwhelming- so I could only imagine how it might feel for someone brand new to it. I told him to ask me questions instead. To learn from me, and with me.

That conversation laid the foundation for everything that came next. And from that moment on, I started to realise how important it was to say a few key things early- things that helped me feel understood without needing to explain every detail.

What’s Worth Sharing Early On: 4 Things I Always Say

If you’re wondering how to talk about endo in the early stages of dating, here are four things I always come back to. They’re simple, but powerful, and they’ve helped me feel seen without having to overexplain.

1. “I live with endometriosis — it’s a chronic condition that can affect my day-to-day.”
I usually start here. It doesn’t need to be a big sit-down moment- it can be part of a casual chat when the timing feels natural. I’ve found that by being straightforward, I take a bit of the pressure off myself. This isn’t something I’m ashamed of or trying to hide. It’s just part of my life.

Sometimes I’ll say something like:
“Hey, just so you know, I live with endo- it’s a condition that causes chronic pain and fatigue among other fun things. Some days I’m great, and others I might need to cancel plans or take things slow. I just like to be upfront about it.”

It’s amazing how much lighter things feel once it’s out in the open.

2. “My health can be unpredictable- and sometimes that means plans change.”
This one’s important for both of us. I don’t want to feel guilty if I need to raincheck a dinner date or bail on a last-minute weekend away. And I want my partner to know that if I do cancel, it’s not about them. It’s just my body doing its thing.

The right people don’t just understand- they adapt. They become the kind of person who brings over a hot water bottle instead of taking it personally.

3. “This doesn’t define me- but it is something I live with every day.”
I’m still fun, spontaneous (when I can be), affectionate, and ambitious. I love good food, belly laughs, my comfort show, and lazy Sunday mornings. But I also know that living with endo has shaped me into someone incredibly resilient- someone who listens to their body, knows their limits, and values emotional honesty.

Dating me means you’re getting all of that.

4. “What I need most is empathy- not fixing.”
Sometimes when I share this, people go into problem-solving mode- offering up miracle diets or asking if I’ve “tried yoga” (lol). But what I really need is someone to just hold space. To ask how I’m feeling, listen, and let me feel safe being honest. That’s the real magic in a relationship- not fixing me, but sitting beside me, wherever I’m at.

Final thoughts

So yes, dating with endo means things look a little different. There might be heat packs involved, clothes changed mid-date, or dinner plans swapped for couch nights and gentle check-ins. But when you're with the right person, those things don’t feel like compromises. They feel like love in action.

Endo doesn’t define me, but it is a part of my life. And the more we can normalise talking about it in dating, the less alone others will feel navigating the same road. Romance isn’t about pretending everything’s perfect. It’s about being real- and being met with warmth in return.

Because real love makes room for the tough stuff too.

Anna x