Supporting a Loved One Through Endometriosis Surgery: What You Need to Know
Surgery for endometriosis can be a big moment—not just physically, but emotionally too. For loved ones, it can be hard to know what to say or do. How do you show up meaningfully without overstepping? How can you support them before, during, and after surgery in a way that feels genuinely helpful?
This guide is for you.
Before Surgery: Creating Calm, Not Pressure
The lead-up to surgery can stir up all sorts of emotions—nervousness, relief, worry, and hope. One of the most powerful things you can do is make space for your loved one to feel what they feel, without rushing them to “stay positive.”
What helps:
Let them know it’s okay to be scared and hopeful at the same time. Both feelings can co-exist.
Offer help without hovering. “Would you like me to organise the groceries or just keep you company?” goes a long way.
Encourage them to rest, eat nourishing food, and stick to their pre-surgery routine without guilt.
💡 Gentle tip: If you're driving them to hospital, offer to make the journey feel calm—think music, tea, or a quiet car ride without pressure to talk.
On Surgery Day: Be Present Without Needing to Fix
Waiting during surgery can be stressful. You might feel helpless, but being there still matters.
What helps:
Stay calm—your energy will influence theirs.
Be ready for emotional ups and downs when they wake. Coming out of anaesthesia can be disorienting.
Listen first. There might be tears, laughter, confusion, or nothing at all—and it’s all normal.
After Surgery: Be Flexible, Patient and Reassuring
Recovery is rarely linear. Your loved one might feel better one day and worse the next. Hormones, pain, medication side effects, and fatigue can all create emotional and physical ups and downs.
What helps:
Don’t expect them to “bounce back.” Let them move at their own pace.
Support without controlling—ask what they feel up for each day.
Help with practical things: cooking, childcare, walking the dog, or doing the dishes.
💡 Remember: Being asked “how can I help?” may feel overwhelming. Instead, try offering 2–3 specific options they can choose from.
The Emotional Side: Holding Space for Recovery
Endometriosis is not just a physical condition—it can come with years of invalidation, gaslighting, and dismissal. Surgery might stir up memories, grief, or trauma.
What helps:
Validate their experience: “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m here.”
Don’t try to explain it away or compare it to someone else’s experience.
Keep showing up—even if they seem withdrawn or quiet.
If You’re Not Sure What to Say… Try This:
“I may not understand exactly what you’re going through, but I care and I’m here.”
“Is there something I can take off your plate today?”
“Would you like to talk about it, or would you prefer a distraction?”
Final Thoughts
Being a support person isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being a steady, compassionate presence. Whether you're a partner, friend, parent or sibling—your care makes a difference.
Sometimes, the most powerful words you can say are:
"I see you and I’ve got you."
Image: Two people holding hands to show support
Are you preparing for pelvic pain or endometriosis surgery?
Together with our community, we’ve put together this handy guide for you to share with them: